Filed under: bad boy, being alive, comedy, comedy writing, culture, humour, lad humour, life, opinion, perspective, philosophy, random, society, stupid thoughts, thought for the day, thoughts | Tags: bad boy, being alive, comedy, comedy writing, culture, dick jokes, humour, lad humour, lad stuff, life, literary journalism, men behaving badly, opinion, perspective, philosophy, random, society, stupid, stupid stuff, stupid thoughts, thought for the day, toilet humour, toilets
Correct me if I’m wrong but you crap in them right? Did I miss an important committee meeting back when toilets became household fashion accessories? I’m reading the stats on a toilet in a glossy magazine – ’slim line mauve exterior with sunken flush.’
The Japanese have revolutionized turd technology and turned the everyday crapper into a mainframe computer. Short of a plastic hand grabbing and wiping – all bodily, emotional and spiritual needs are catered for here. Hold a conference call or burn CD’s on the outside of the bowl, whilst you burn your bowels on the inside. Japanese toilets are basically Ipods you can shit in. When I was in Tokyo last year, I couldn’t figure out how to use one for the life of me. No, I don’t want to Skype my friends, or watch a DVD – I just want to take a shit, ok! In my attempt to find the flush on a control panel of Japanese instructions, I started randomly pressing stuff. Half a dozen plastic tubes and appendages would emerge from hidden slots to spray all manner of aerosols up arseholes! I mildly escaped having my arsehole pedicured. I suppose there’s a button on there somewhere for a crack, back and sack.
What a load of crap!
DT
